Lessons

I’m writing this today because as the mother of 3 beautiful, healthy girls, I have made it my mission to teach my girls that one of the most important things in life is being kind to others.   I believe it is our job to teach our children that the world is made up of many different and unique human beings. That the differences in us is what makes us beautiful.  The truth is that children are not born with hate or dislike for others, parents and society starts to teach that.  I think that children by nature are intrigued by differences that they may see in others, but it is our job to explain to them the why and form compassion in them.  An example that I will share with you is one in which I was just being the mother that I am, and yet I left that situation with a bigger conviction that it is important to teach my girls to accept everyone for who they are.  One night, after a long day at a Disney Park, we got on the shuttle back to our hotel room.  As we made our way to the back of the shuttle, we passed a little albinal girl with her mother.   As we sat down,  my oldest, that at the time might have been 10 or 11 years old, turns to me and  says, ” mom, why does that little girl look like that? every time I see a kid like that it scares me, they look scary.” I did not get mad at her because I realized that she had probably bumped into few if any albinal people.  As a child she did not understand why their features were the way they were.  So, I took the time to explain to her that there was nothing to be scared of. The little girl was just like she was, only that because she was albinal (which I explained what that meant) her skin, eyes and color hair were a little different then what she is used to. But that it was no different from blonde or black, blue or brown eyes, and white or black skin. That her being albinal is what made her unique. By the end of our conversation, my daughter understood, apologized to me for what she had said, because with the knowledge she had now about what she feared, she felt bad.  Either way, a few seconds after we were done speaking, there was gentleman sitting in the back that I had not realized was there, he tells me,”hank You.  Confused, I asked him what he was thanking me for.  He explained to me, that the little albinal girl in the front with her mother was his wife and daughter. He went on to tell me that of course the probabilities to having an albino child are very rare but even more rare was the fact that their second daughter came out albino as well. He told me he had heard the entire conversation that I had with my daughter and was so thankful that I had taken the time to explain why his daughter was a little different. He told me that many times he hears kids who make fun of or are scared by his daughter and sees parents who just don’t care. And even less, parents who cared enough to to take the time to explain that differences in people are not a reason of fear, instead a form of uniqueness. Uniquness that makes all of us, US!

Question Everything

Question Everything! I remind my girls of this every day.  Life is not meant to be lived just believing what is told to us or what we read. The importance of questioning is necessary to guide yourself through this life. So today, remember to look at life beyond black and white. Beyond what is told to us. Question what doesn’t seem to make sense. Happy Friday!

Our Elderly….the forgotten generation

Could it be that a generation, the elderly, which was held in such high regards in the past, has now, in today’s society been forgotten?  And instead is seen as a hinder or bother to care for our elders?

I ask this question as I ponder the situation that my own grandmother is currently facing.  My grandmother raised six children.  For the most part successful and productive citizens of society.  She helped raise all 13 of her grandchildren and was even strong enough to help in the beginning years of her first great-grandchild. My grandfather died at the age of 30, leaving my grandmother widowed and alone to raise her kids.  She never remarried because as someone whose beliefs are old-fashioned to most of us now a days, she believed that once you widowed, you should not remarry and focus on raising wonderful children.  Which she did.  My mom along with my uncles and aunts are wonderful productive human beings.

Unfortunately, my grandmother suffered a stroke a few years ago which caused her to now become dependent on others.  She can no longer care for herself and this challenge on our family is felt greatly.  Although I am sure that the goal in all our hearts is to make sure she lives out the last years of her life as happy as possible, it seems like no one can come up with a mutual understanding on how or where she should do that.  At times it seems as though my grandmother is a bother to those children and grandchildren that she has raised.  They will all say she is not, but actions speak louder than words.  Those actions have left my grandmother at times to feel alone, sad, confused and probably even depressed.  My grandmother’s biggest fear is to end up in a home where she will be forgotten.  I am sure that will never happen, but sometimes I’m left to wonder.  Through the years we have all attempted to help, but I wonder if it’s ever really been enough.

This leaves me to think about the elders who have less than my grandmother.  Who have no children, husband or family.  When my grandmother was in the rehab center after her stroke, I saw many elders who never seemed to have any visitors.  Didn’t matter what time I would show up.   Sad thing is that there were some who did have family, but would never be visited by them.  How confusing, hurt or sad must that be for them.  It hurts me to see that we have forgotten our duties to our elders who did so much for us.  Our elders have shaped us and are a big part of who we are today.  Gratitude by being there for them is the very least that we can do.

I do understand that with husbands, wives, children, work, and so on…we get busy, but it’s our obligation to make room for our parents, grandparents, great grandparents, even those elderly neighbors that need us to make sure that the remaining years of their lives are spent with dignity, laughter and comfort.  It’s a circle of life….Our parents cared for us when we were born, they probably help raise our children when we were adults, and then comes the  time when we must care for them.  We will one day be those elders, and we can only hope that we’re not part of the forgotten elders.

My hope is that as a family of  6 children, 13 grandchildren and almost 19 great-grandchildren we find a way to come together and care for my grandmother the ways she deserves, before it’s too late, and all we have left is feelings of guilt for not doing so.

Our elders should never be left to feel unwanted or as if they are a bother.  Unfortunately, more times than not, that is exactly how they feel in today’s society.  Some left alone to die, imagine the fear and sorrow their hearts must feel….some will have a room full of people awaiting their death but never were really there to make the last moments memorable.   My hope for society is that we start to recognize where we have fallen short with elders and fix it.

Living with a mask……

Today has been one of those days that I have sat and wondered a lot about the masks we put on for different people in our lives.  I wonder if I fully have ever allowed anyone to see and know the whole me.   I believe in life we either  mask who we are, or we only allow for most to see just parts of us. I think, I have tried with a selected few to be as open and honest about who I am.  I’ve opened up parts of my souls and inner demons to them, allowed for them to see the deepest of my scars to the most superficial.  But even with that, I truly wonder if they know all of me. I think I’m starting to doubt that they do.  I think as we evolve as human beings, we start to change some core parts of what or who we are.  If we are not cautious of allowing others to see the changes, then we are walking around masking the new us. I think it is quite the challenge to  talk to others without a mask, whether it be a full or half mask. We fear rejection, disappointment and vulnerability. It is quite frightening to let go of your mask and walk the universe being the real you. Although, I must imagine it is probably also the most freeing experience to have.  I am not sure that I can or ever will be able to achieve that experience, but I will make it one of my life goals to try.  I will also make a cautious effort to encourage the many wonderful relationships I have in my life to do the same.  To talk to me without their masks and not be afraid of rejection or judgment. I want to create a place where the mask can come off and they can see , that the universe still views them as wonderful human beings,  in spite of or because of their story, demons, mistakes or choices.  The reality in this is that everyone has demons or regrets that they carry, no one is free of mistakes. Maybe one day, humanity as a whole, will make it easier for everyone to strip themselves of the masks without fear.  For now, I guess I will continue to allow some to view only parts of me, in hopes that one day, I’m brave enough to let them in to see all of me.

Today, I am blessed…..!

I write today just to acknowledge to the universe how very grateful I am for the day I had.  With all the chaos and stress that I may be having in my life right now, today, was a good day.  I am thankful for the wonderful people that make up the circle of my life.  I am a very proud mother to three of the most beautiful, creative, smart and unique girls in the whole wide world.  I have a husband who tries everyday to show me in the little things he does, how very special I am to him.  I have a little brother( almost 30 🙂  ), who I love more than any, if not all, the men in my life. We have a relationship that I could not be happier with. It was not always a great or even good one, but these days, we are closer then ever.  I have a best friend, 12 years almost, and I love what our friendship has evolved to in these years. I have a few others who I care for deeply and I am happy to have them in my life, as little or as much as I can.  Either way, I am happy they are there. Today, is one of those days that regardless of the bad in my life, I realize the good means so much more. No one is promised tomorrow, so why not live today loving and appreciating those relationships in your life that matter most.  At the end of the day, everything else really is irrelevant without them.  So I challenge you to take a moment to put aside everything chaotic or stressful in your life and think about the things or relationships that matter most. Today, I am blessed as I hope you realize you are too.

Out with the old in with the new!!…but new what?

I guess it would only be right to say our goodbye’s to this wonderful year!  For better or worse, we got through it and we are here today, alive being able to celebrate the coming of the new year.  I wrote my first blog a year ago on this very topic. I see so many people ready for this year to be over.  Ready to start the new year.  Although I look forward to what 2012 has in store for me, I leave this past year with many great and some sad memories.  None that I would change.  You see, to me, it is my belief that the events that occurred this past year help mold me in to the better and stronger person I will be in the coming year.  I think too many times people get caught up in the celebrations of the coming year, but not many reflect and are grateful for the many blessings that the past year brought to them.

This year, I learned, that your life can change from one moment to another.  My husband lost his father this past year, my daughters lost a grandfather and their grandmother lost a husband.   A very sad day for his loved ones.  It is because of this event that 2011 will not be forgotten in the hearts closest to him.  But with his departure from this world, came a sense of peace.  He is in a better place, free from any pain or agony.  His loved ones are no longer worried about his suffering and his memory is carried in their hearts.

I turned the BIG 30! My oldest child started middle school and my middle child started kindergarten.  Two huge milestones in a child’s life!  My daughter’s are older, prettier and smarter, but most importantly, they are healthy, I am healthy!!!  2011 had its challenges but it also had its great and wonderful moments.  Moments that I will cherish for a lifetime!

So yes, bring in the new year with hopes of a better tomorrow.  With bigger and better dreams and goals to accomplish.  Create better opportunities for yourself then the past year.  But do it with all the wisdom, knowledge and strength that you carried from 2011!