Could it be that a generation, the elderly, which was held in such high regards in the past, has now, in today’s society been forgotten? And instead is seen as a hinder or bother to care for our elders?
I ask this question as I ponder the situation that my own grandmother is currently facing. My grandmother raised six children. For the most part successful and productive citizens of society. She helped raise all 13 of her grandchildren and was even strong enough to help in the beginning years of her first great-grandchild. My grandfather died at the age of 30, leaving my grandmother widowed and alone to raise her kids. She never remarried because as someone whose beliefs are old-fashioned to most of us now a days, she believed that once you widowed, you should not remarry and focus on raising wonderful children. Which she did. My mom along with my uncles and aunts are wonderful productive human beings.
Unfortunately, my grandmother suffered a stroke a few years ago which caused her to now become dependent on others. She can no longer care for herself and this challenge on our family is felt greatly. Although I am sure that the goal in all our hearts is to make sure she lives out the last years of her life as happy as possible, it seems like no one can come up with a mutual understanding on how or where she should do that. At times it seems as though my grandmother is a bother to those children and grandchildren that she has raised. They will all say she is not, but actions speak louder than words. Those actions have left my grandmother at times to feel alone, sad, confused and probably even depressed. My grandmother’s biggest fear is to end up in a home where she will be forgotten. I am sure that will never happen, but sometimes I’m left to wonder. Through the years we have all attempted to help, but I wonder if it’s ever really been enough.
This leaves me to think about the elders who have less than my grandmother. Who have no children, husband or family. When my grandmother was in the rehab center after her stroke, I saw many elders who never seemed to have any visitors. Didn’t matter what time I would show up. Sad thing is that there were some who did have family, but would never be visited by them. How confusing, hurt or sad must that be for them. It hurts me to see that we have forgotten our duties to our elders who did so much for us. Our elders have shaped us and are a big part of who we are today. Gratitude by being there for them is the very least that we can do.
I do understand that with husbands, wives, children, work, and so on…we get busy, but it’s our obligation to make room for our parents, grandparents, great grandparents, even those elderly neighbors that need us to make sure that the remaining years of their lives are spent with dignity, laughter and comfort. It’s a circle of life….Our parents cared for us when we were born, they probably help raise our children when we were adults, and then comes the time when we must care for them. We will one day be those elders, and we can only hope that we’re not part of the forgotten elders.
My hope is that as a family of 6 children, 13 grandchildren and almost 19 great-grandchildren we find a way to come together and care for my grandmother the ways she deserves, before it’s too late, and all we have left is feelings of guilt for not doing so.
Our elders should never be left to feel unwanted or as if they are a bother. Unfortunately, more times than not, that is exactly how they feel in today’s society. Some left alone to die, imagine the fear and sorrow their hearts must feel….some will have a room full of people awaiting their death but never were really there to make the last moments memorable. My hope for society is that we start to recognize where we have fallen short with elders and fix it.
zorysworld 